The building of trust is not instantaneous in relationships, it is built slowly over time through small acts of 'turning towards' each other, being there for your partner, expressing compassion and empathy for one another’s feelings.
Interestingly, in relationships many conflicts concern the defining and building of trust, ‘are you there for me when I call, when I am worried, upsetting, hurt or angry’. When couples can lean into each other with understanding and gentleness, even when negative emotions are expressed, trust is built.
Whilst new relationships may believe trust is strong from the start it can quickly evaporate when couple 'turn away' from each and negative conflict escalates. Trust is grown by small moments of being there for your partner in good times but most importantly when negative emotion is expressed. ‘When you are in pain, feeling sad or angry - my world stops, and I try to understand what is happening for you’.
Here is a great communication model that helps couples create a safe, positive and trust building connection.
The word “ATTUNE” is actually an acronym that stands for six processes:
A - Awareness of one’s partner’s pain
T - Tolerance that there are always two valid viewpoints in any negative emotions
T - Turning Toward one partner’s need
U - trying to Understand your partner
N - Non-defensive listening
E - Empathy